Looking Back

Looking back

I saw myself down in the dumps for such a long time

(I dunno when was it coz I already lost count) 

People around me had no idea what was goin' on in my life

I was grumpy, ill-tempered, irritable and all

But they tried to kinda understand me 

They've kept their distance which was okay, I think

Because, you know, explaining stuff is really not my thing back then so uber hard

So I was kinda happy and at peace revolving in my own circle

Which I think was totally weird for some people, but I didn't care

All I cared about was my inner peace and stability - mental and emotional.

Then one day, 

I found myself looking for something divine (was it?)

I wanted some intervention that's beyond human capacity and imagination.  

And there I found myself hunting for G.  

G brought me back in His arms

He allowed me to breathe slowly, according to my  own pacing

He embraced me and let me feel His mighty presence 

Through my friends, that I can only count in my fingers

Through the community, I am in at the moment,

G showed me how it feels like to be home and be loved

Slowly, I am moving forward

I got to love myself, see my worth

I got to see what I really wanted and what I really deserve

I got to explore and do the things I craved

And most importantly, I got to spend time with the people who love me unconditionally 

One way or another, I still trip at times, 

But it doesn't bother me anymore

I just keep on telling myself 

That I have to pull myself back up 

And not to dwell too much on being down

Otherwise, 

I'll be missing a lot of things that the universe is giving me.  

So to everyone who was with me during my "darkest" journey, Gracias.  

Also, I thank G for always being there for me, 

no matter what.  

*Photo was taken in Coron, Palawan of May 2018 

Compassion Fatigue + Work Burnout

I was making my homework for a small talk (only about 2 mins) tomorrow when I got this thoughts along the way.  

Well, my topic tomorrow is about the story of A Good Samaritan where it presents the value of compassion.  I bet we all knew the story of this as this is known and taught while we were still in school.  Anyway, as I was browsing Google for examples, I came across this Compassion Fatigue.  And I was like?  Seriously?  There is such a thing like that?  Coz, it was my first time to see it and I wonder what it meant.  *Curiosity alerts*

So what I did was searched for it, read a few and told myself, "Ooops, I know this." Haha!  I was actually pertaining to myself.  I don't know but I guess, I came to this point when I am overly tired of almost everything.  Work, family, friends and life as a whole.  I don't know.  

However, according to one definition of compassion fatigue, it is a state of tension and preoccupation with the individual and cumulative trauma of clients in one or more ways including re-experiencing the traumatic event, avoidance/numbing of reminders of the event and persistent arousal.  While work burnout is associated with work overload and other environmental factors like assignment levels and scheduling.  

I think work burnout and compassion fatigue somehow go together.  I mean they are somewhat related to each other.  Others might just mistaken it as burnout when you could be feeling the other.  Oh, well, let's just look deeper as we try see its signs and symptoms. :) 

The warning signs of Compassion Fatigue are: (those that are applicable to me)

- blaming others

- complaining too much and too often

- not expressing emotions in a healthy manner

- isolating from friends and family

- tired all the time

- loss of purpose

- emotional rollercoaster

- anger

- self-doubt

- lack of self-satisfaction

- irritable

- impatient

And what I can do as self-care for CF:

- be aware of the symptoms (recognize and monitor the changes)

- make personal life a priority

- make a connection with family and friends

- revitalize sense of life's purpose and meaning

Professionally, this is how you can beat CF according to NurseBuff:

1. Set boundaries at work

     - accept that you're not superhuman

     - you can't fix everything

     - determine until when or where you shall intervene

2. Talk about your emotions

     - don't keep negative emotions all to yourself

    - vent out your feelings

    - seek help professionally 

3. Don't go beyond the limits you set

    - learn to say "no"

4.  Practice positive self-talk

     - makes you aware of your feelings and issues

     - identify when you need to take care of yourself first before others

5. Smile

      - easiest way to brighten up your day a little

      - take a deep breath and smile

     - having positive outlook improves positivity at work

6.  Forgive and move on

     - don't keep the hate all to yourself

     - forgiveness is not something you give to others but to yourself

7. Socialize

     - spend time with friends and participate in social events

     - attention is diverted into meaningful activities rather than sinking deeper into depression

8.  Be creative

     - do creative activities like writing, dancing, etc to release stress and negative emotions

     - focuses you more to your inner self

9.  Go on a retreat

      - change your surroundings 

      - will have a refreshing break from your life

10.  Develop  a career plan

      - to have a good reminder of your dreams and aspirations

      - serves as a driving motivation in getting yourself together

11. Relate with other nurses

       - talk to fellow nurses and take note of their advices

      - older nurses have time-tested strategies in overcoming CF

12. Keep in mind that you have a purpose

       - remind yourself that nursing is a noble career and everything happens for a reason

       - take sad experiences as opportunities to learn and grow

13.  Whenever you feel yourself going down the slide, reach out for your victories

        - celebrate moments of triumphs

  
That's a lot of information, right?  But I thank my leader for giving us this task.  At least I've learned something today.  :) 

It's worth it

Photo Taken in May 2007 @ Batad Banaue Rice Terraces

Every struggle is real.

I know but hold on.

Believe always that everything shall pass.

And everything is temporary. :) 

Miracles :)

With what's goin' on in my life, 

the movie that I saw again today reminded me that..

Yes!

It is true. 

We may not notice it every time but it is there. 

Miracles are everywhere.  

Just open your eyes.

And look around.

#NeverSettle

I always come across this saying.. 

"When God sends you the man you are called to be with

you will know.  

This man will speak to not your flesh but your spirit. 

You will experience something with him that you have never experienced before. 

He will love you in ways that other men didn't. 

Wait.

It will be so worth it when you meet him."

Oh, well, I am always a believer in these words. 

Ever since I was a child, my elders would always tell me "ah, you'll know it" or "you'd feel it" when it's the right time.  

But as I grew older, I still wonder,  

I wonder when is that "right time" they're talking about. 

Will it ever come?  

I don't know.

But I never lose that speck of hope.  

  

I always pray.. for guidance and succor.

Any thoughts?  

Lemme know :) 

Limit

#EmoTuesday 

Never put a limit on somebody...

because

one day

you'll regret it. 

Wishful thinking would help.

Asking him might lift it.

But nothing beats when it done voluntarily and wholeheartedly.

So before it's too late, 

appreciate him...

just let him be the person that he is...

and let him feel he's super enough.   

Addendum:

We are not perfect 

We make mistakes 

We're sorry but

There's nothing much we can do

Except to accept it and move forward

Gotta take in what we've learned

And face each day with light and dazzling smile.

Thank you.  

*The best apology is changed behavior.*  

Word Gifts

As I was reading a book, 

the author's wonderful words struck me, big time.  

She calls them "Word Gifts."

Photo Taken in Tioman, Malaysia (March 2016)

They are a set of positive words that make a difference not only in our own lives but also in the lives of others. 

The words mentioned are

DANCE

Whenever, wherever you get the chance...

Free yourself.. lose yourself

like dance while prepping yourself, cooking your food, washing dishes, etc..

KISS

this may not come automatically

it will be awkward at first

do it anyway until you become comfortable

you'll get a very surprising reward after. :) 

LAUGH

it's pretty hard to accomplish when you're in deep shit

but try to stretch your facial muscles

a little stretch doesn't hurt at all

and the feeling will be greater than expected. ;)

HOPE

another word that's hard to put into practice..

but do it anyway..

try looking at the bright side

don't kill that "hope" that God placed in your heart

remember, it was placed there for a reason.. :) 

don't ever give up.. :) 

JOY

and because you've allowed the previous words inside you, 

joy now has a place :)

you'll be living a life now that's fun and full of wonderful colors. 

and finally

BE WELL... ALWAYS!! 

Cool, isn't it?  

Yeah, I know you'll tell me that it's easier said than done.

But who knows, once you start practicing it, you'll end up being well for the rest of your life.

Remember baby steps

can bring you to your goals.

Practice now, practice more and before you know it, you're living by them.  

 Hakuna Matata!! :) 

Pen

In one's life, 

there will always be that one thing that's never clear. 

Something's that blurry. 

It's like it's very cloudy.

That you'll feel it's something hard to comprehend. 

Something you don't understand, at all.

Don't fret. 

It will get better soon. 

Just have faith.

And in any case,

one day, that one thing still doesn't have its ending..

Relax, 

inhale..

exhale..

grab a pen and write the ending of that story in whatever end you chose to have it. 

:) 

that feeling..

I was going through my notes during my travel to Jordan last December 2015, and I came across this note.

Haha!! 

I was heart-broken at that time.  hehe!  Something depressing happened, and it turned my world really upside down.  I was lost.  Miserable.  

I was fortunate that I had this trip prearranged.  Travelling was my only remedy at that time.  I was even lucky because this trip wasn't just a trip, it was a pilgrimage.  :) 

T'was a blessing in disguise.  I got to contemplate.  I got to pray.  I got to be with my self. 

So going back, the notes that I wrote several months ago still apply.   Yeah!  Moving forward isn't easy.  It's a process. :)  I will get well.  Soon!! And I claim it. :) 

And so the note that made my day today is...  

"BEING ALONE IS A STRUGGLE, BUT THERE'S BEAUTY IN IT."

You have to look on the other side. 

And I thank God for the guidance and wisdom He showed me during my travel.  

Now, I am praying for another travel.  I hope He will be with me again as I go with myself.  :)  

Crazy and Weird Wednesday

I felt crazy and at the same weird today. 

It's even funny.  Haha! 

Three weird things happened to me today: 

First: 

I sent a work request to our AV technician asking him to check the 

TV and the remote control of beds 13 and 21.  

He came and fixed it.
I saw him in the morning. 

Moments later, around past 2 in the afternoon, 

he came back saying that the I send another request with the same complaint.
So he came back to check it.

But I told him, no!
I only sent the request once.
And the second one has comments in it.
I felt like? What? Really?

Second:
A colleague of mine asked me to be her witness in the Pyxis (a machine where meds are kept instead of asking from the pharmacy)
as she will be taking a narcotic.
We did the directions as directed by the device.
But when we were about to return the said meds because according to the machine, we entered the medication twice,
the machine wouldn't allow us to return it.
We called for help, and the pharmacist came.  She checked the system,
and it revealed that we took logged in twice and took two amps (same time.)
But we know that we did only once.

Third:
I got a patient for chemotherapy, the mother knew the full name, but she doesn't know the MRN,
a unique number of a patient.
I checked for the ID band, but there was none.  So I called our patient relation to help me locate the brother who was with the patient a while ago.
We needed to ask for the MRN and a full name just to make sure of the six rights.
After confirmation, I placed a new ID band on the left leg of the patient.
Moments later, something came up with the patient that we had to admit him.
While we were ushering the patient for admission, I noticed another paper wrapped around his right leg.  I checked it, and it's an ID band.
And I was like? What?  It wasn't there before.  O.O


Weird and crazy right?
Imagine, I did them all once, but they ended up being doubled.
Weird.
Am I being played around by someone I don't see?
O.O

Woooo! Creepy!  

Chicken Soup

 My catch for today's reading is

A HOME IS COMFORTABLE AND INVITING 

WHEN THE OCCUPANTS ARE RELAXED AND CONTENTED.  -

Annemarie Tait 

Notes: 

- don't be a slave to your surroundings

- live within your means

- the real luxury is having no worries on how to pay the big-ticket toys

- living simply gives you more time for family and friends

- you've got to enjoy life every day

- there's more time for laughter and fun when you're free from financial burden

Late Night Convo

One of the great things about late night conversations

among best friends is that

you get to talk about anything within the universe. 

So last night, 

it was my lucky night when I wanted someone to talk to, and she was there. 

Our convo went for hours, and it is a good one.

I miss talking to her like that.
Miles apart is nothing because of the technology.
Thank heavens. 

We smiled, I cried, we laughed.

We're crazy, and I love it. 

But the best one, 

I got this impressive catch from her, 

"DON'T BE A MAYBE.." 

*power hug tight*

People First

A person may either be good or bad. But a person is not at all bad. What they might do is terrible they’re not a totally bad person. There's a difference.

Yeah!

True enough. Some come and go. Some make you happy. Some make you feel special. Some treasure you.

While...

Some hurt you. Some give you a hard time. Some treat you like hell. Some call you names. Some judge you as if they know you. Some pick on your looks. In short, everybody will always have a say on you no matter what may it be good or bad.

But whatever “bad” people do or say to you, always remember that they are not a totally bad person. Always look at the best of everybody. It will save you from trouble. It will give you more peace. Life will be better.

Remember, it’s not you... it’s them.

LOOk Away

If you looked in the corners, 

You'd find her right there

Hidden by darkness

And the curls in her hair

Her nose in a book

With her head in the clouds,

Hiding her feelings

Away from the crowds,

If you sat by her side,

While the world passed you by,

She'd tell you her story,

Behind the pain in her eyes,

If you gave her five minutes,

You'd see her smile,

Makes even the bad things

In life seem worthwhile

But you don't look in corners

You  don't even glance

So she sits there still waiting 

To be given a chance. 

- e. h. 

Control

You can't control everything. 

Your hair was put in your head to remind you of that. :) 

My Prayer

For the past few days..

oppps! 

Maybe not days..

but weeks 

or even months.

I have been in a can of worms. 

photo taken when we were at the Art in Island. 

Hurt

Sometimes, life sucks.

Hmmm...

You've done everything and yet for some it wasn't enough.

I know I am not perfect. 

Who is?